I’ve talked about control many times while writing this blog, and now I think it’s time to share something I was given near the beginning of my training as a Spiritual Director in the Wellstreams Program here in Columbus. Many of the handouts we received had been photocopied many times, some of them probably from mimeographs, and they didn’t always attribute their source, so I’m not sure where this came from originally. If anyone knows, please comment so that I can give credit where it’s due. I present this now in honor of Gamaliel, who in the 5th chapter of Acts shows the movement from compulsion to contemplation, and exhibits a freedom that the other members of the council don’t have. I’ll say more about him at the bottom of this post.
Movement from Compulsion to Contemplation
|Compulsive Living||Contemplative Living|
|Driven approach to life||Open-ended & free-flowing approach|
|Narrow vision of reality||Expansive vision of reality|
|Control; rigidity||Surrender; spontaneity|
|Obsessed & anxious||Accepting & serene|
|Holding on; possessiveness||Letting go; freedom|
|Past & future oriented||Living in the present moment|
|Strong defenses||Necessary defenses/vulnerability|
|Self-disgust & self-hatred||Self-acceptance & self-love|
|Emotional distance; dissonance with self||Intimacy with self, God, & others|
|Dealing with people||Relating to people|
|Inordinate desires||True longing for God|
|Cluttered inner space||Empty inner space|
|False self||Authentic self|
|Emphasis on pleasure||Emphasis on true joy|
|Partially living||Fully human & alive|
It’s important to think of yourself while reading this list, and be honest about which compulsive impulses and which contemplative impulses are most alive in you. This list provides a very helpful lens when considering the conflict between the disciples and the authorities in Acts. The authorities are driven, have a narrow view of reality, try to maintain control, and have anxiety attacks about the future, based on a too vibrant awareness of the past. In comparison to them, the disciples are just wandering around, praying in the temple and healing whomever they pass. They’re spontaneous and serene, and every reaction they have with other people, including the authorities, is authentic.
Gamaliel is somewhere between these two extremes, just like most of us. He’s not a disciple, but as a pharisee he shares some of their beliefs, and has a better understanding of them than the priests and sadducees. He has a greater trust in God than his co-council members do as well. Let’s relax, he says, and let this play out. More than that, let’s accept that God is in control, not us, and that surprising things can happen that we can’t expect. What’s surprising is that the rest of the council members can also sense the benefits of the contemplative life, although only vaguely, which allows them, at least for the moment, to agree with him.